Trade Mistakes
by PlatinumRegret
Summary: What would have happened if the Host Club boys hadn't realized Haruhi's real gender? Would feelings and friendships grow the same? Let's find out.
1. 1: Starting Today, You are a Host!

**Trade Mistakes**

_Chapter One: __**Starting Today, You are a Host!**_

"There are four libraries in this school. But why is it so noisy everywhere? You'd think one of them would be quiet." Of course, Haruhi was speaking to none other than herself, her unusual voice lacking of femininity echoing through the ivory corridors. Her temper, or lack thereof, was aimed at the mass of students she clearly didn't fit well amongst; their rich and careless attitudes showing as they flocked to gossip in all the wrong places. "I'm beginning to think that rich kids only come to school to have a good time. If they don't feel like studying, they should just head home!"

A sigh escaped her throat then, finally easing her stepping before a tall, clear glass window. A soft glow reflected off the cherry blossoms surrounding the school grounds, lighting up the whiteness of everything with a gentle tint of pink, leaving Haruhi in a warm place, finally. "How are things in Heaven, Mom? I can't believe it's been ten years already." Speaking softly, her big medium-brown hues searched the skies, staring as a single, small bird fluttered across the horizons. "I promise, I'll make the best of things. Starting off with finding a nice place to study." Enthusiastically, Haruhi was off again roaming the top floor of the south campus, intuition leading her to the end of northernmost hall.

_Music Room #3_

"An abandoned music room, eh? I guess this is the only place I'll be able to study in peace and quiet."

"Welcome~"

When Haruhi opened those lengthy doors, she expected nothing more than to be surrounded by some dusty and unused instruments, left to rot while the high-schooler's found better things to do. But what she found was much, much more appealing. Well, to normal girls, anyway. _The Ouran Host Club!_

- The elite private school of Ouran Academy was first about pedigree, second about money. Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here. The Ouran Host Club is where the school's handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran Academy's luxuriant and elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful.

"Oh, wow. It's just a boy." A pair of orange haired twins standing within the group of boys stated in unpleased unison, staring wide-eyed like the rest.

"Hikaru, Kaoru. I believe this young man is in the same class with you, isn't he?" Only slightly taller than the twins, another male spoke. He stood almost adjacent to them, having the darkest black hair Haruhi had ever seen, and glasses to match his mysterious look.

"Well, yeah. But he's shy! He's not very sociable, so we don't know much about him." Again, the identical brothers spoke in perfect harmony, a shrug rolling off their shoulders in disinterest.

"That wasn't very polite, boys. Welcome to our club anyways, Mr. Honor Student. It seems as though the tone of our school doesn't fit well for commoners. So, if you don't have a lot of audacious nerve you can't get a scholarship here." Smug, yet said with a sweet smile, the tone in which the first male spoke again was confusing.

Whilst all their chatter had been going on, Haruhi was much too busy trying, and more or less fighting to escape. Her fingers curled around the door knob desperately, yanking and twisting it as if in a room where she'd meet her demise. It was the sound of her name that finally caught her attention, she'd barely noticed as the other boys spoke of her existence.

"What? You must Haruhi Fujioka! You're the exceptional, rare honor student we've all heard about, yes! So to speak, you are a hero to other poor people! You've shown that even a commoner can even excel at an elite academy!" At last, the centered attention moved onto a handsome, princely blonde in the middle. Haruhi froze at this sight, half shock that he'd known her name and the other half amazement to hear the less fortunate were so belittled by people here.

She turned slowly, a fear struck look crawling across her pale skinned face. "H-How do you know my name..?" Asking through a slight stutter, her back pressed to the door. Not only was it strange they'd called her a boy several times now, finding a _host club_ in a high school was something far beyond what she ever expected out of this highly spoken of academy.

"Why, you're infamous here. It's not every day a commoner gains entrance into our academy."

"I think you're all taking this poor thing a bit too far."

"It must be so hard on you to constantly be looked down upon by others. But, that doesn't matter now. Long live the poor! We welcome you to our world of beauty!"

"...I'm out of here."

The back and forth was starting tire her, especially since she'd only wandered into the said club looking for a quiet place to study. Haruhi turned, her short, messy brown hair falling over her eyes in frustration.

"Hey! Haru-chan! Come back here, are you really a hero? Like a super-hero or something? That's so cool! I want to hear the story about when you saved the queen!" After a moment's notice, a tug to the ends of her shirt, one she'd borrowed from her father, pulled her back into the room and downward, causing her face to meet another only inches away from her own.

"Ah! Who are you? Who gave you permission to call me Haru-chan! I'm not a hero, I'm an honor student."

The shorter blonde backed away, shuddering in fear only to be comforted by a sixth male, tall and dark haired. Usually, she would have apologized for shouting, especially to such an adorable little boy, baby faced with big brown eyes. But another thing was plaguing her mind more than apologies: Where were they all coming from?

"Who'd have thought the rumored student to be so openly gay?"

"Openly.. what?" Haruhi paused, blinking in confusion. They had no idea.

The tallest blonde had taken control of the conversation once again, stopping the show with his awkward yet blunt question. "Tell me, Fujioka, what kind of guys are you into? Do you like the strong, silent type? The boy Lolita? How about the wild, and mischievous type? Or, the cool type?"

"I-I.. I, it's not like that! I was just looking for somewhere quiet! A place to study!" backing away now, embarrassed by the thought of being into any of those types of boys; she gulped, shivering as all eyes were now on her.

"Or maybe, you'd like to try a guy like me." A hand cupped her jaw-line softly, thumb caressing her cheek with ease. Her breath caught in her throat as he leaned in closer, a taunting smile forcing the blood to rush to her cheeks. Why must she be teased like so, especially if she was thought out to be gay? The male only continued to bear down his gaze, bright, half-lidded purple eyes enjoying the seconds passing by in the slight embrace.

"No! I was just- I- You misunderstood! I just-" Ripping from his hold, Haruhi flung backwards, attempting a run for the door only to crash land into a podium, holding an obviously expensive blue vase.

It was impossible to do anything but stare as it smashed and shattered against the marble floor, separating into a million irreplaceable pieces.

"Awwwwwww." The twins said in sync, leaning over her shoulder in disappointment.

"That renaissance rune was supposed to be featured in the upcoming school auction." One of them, off to the left spoke alone.

"Well, now you've done it commoner. What will we do..? The bidding on that vase was going to start at eight million yen!" The other twin continued where the last had left off, pushing Haruhi to the edge of pure horror.

"WHAT? EIGHT.. MILLI- How many thousand yen is that? How many thousands are in a million?"

The group stared in awe, but only for a moment. Silence had overlapped all the previous commotion. A broken piece of décor was no big deal, they could all afford to get another. But since it was part of the school auction, it had to be important. Haruhi had no doubt she'd find a way to pay it back, but before she could even offer, it'd long since been decided she'd pay it back in full.

"I'll pay you bac-"

"Can you? With what money? You can't even afford a school uniform."

"What's with that lame, grubby thing you've got on anyway...?"

"Well, what do you think we should do, Tamaki?"

All sights adverted once again, bolting to stare as the one who'd caused her to knock over the vase sat down in a kingly manner, crossing his legs with a swift motion. Said Tamaki, the one referred to only as the taller blonde lifted a single finger, pointing with a grin to guilty Haruhi.

"There's a famous proverb you may have heard before, Fujioka. When in Rome, do as the Romans do."

What did he mean by that? Did she even want to know? A constant fear had grown inside her since entering the room, but now.. The look in his eyes was truly something to be afraid of.

"Since you have no money, pay with your body. From now on, you're the Host Club's dog."


	2. 2: The Job of a High School Host!

**Trade Mistakes**

"I don't know if I can handle this, Mom. It's so cruel. I've been captured by a bunch of boys that are calling themselves a... _host club._"

_Chapter Two__: __**The Job of a High School Host!**_

_The Host Club is now open for business._

"Cake, coffee, lunch,.. Everything seems to be here." Checking over the grocery list (hand-written brilliantly by the mysterious, dark haired, glasses wearing Kyoya) a hundredth time as she entered the Music Room #3, Haruhi stopped in her tracks, gripping the brown paper bag filled to the rim with things the host boys had sworn they needed. It was honestly an astonishing sight, hundreds of yellow dressed ladies draped over every chair and loveseat. But why? Were they not kidding about being hosts?

_-Haruhi Fujioka: High School 1__st__ Year (Host Club Dog)_

"Tamaki, what's your favorite song?"

"What song? Why, the one that reminds me of you, of course."

That didn't answer her question at all! She still doesn't even know his favorite song, how irksome.; Haruhi thought. Girls found a response like that, dreamy? She scoffed, pushing her glasses only held together by duct tape further up her nose.

"Where will you take me over the summer, Tamaki?"

"Anywhere you want, princess."

Princess? Was that a pet name, or do princesses actually attend this school? Tilting her head to the side while pondering the question, Haruhi couldn't help but think: 'Would he actually take them _all_ on a vacation?'

"I baked you a cake, Tamaki. Would you like to taste it?"

"Only if you'll feed it to me, my darling."

How was it possible for all these girls to adore him so? Sure, he was good looking. But, Tamaki's words were no more than lines an actor was to read during a movie, the same old song and dance routine, telling them only what they wanted to hear.

_-Tamaki Suos: High School 2__nd__ Year (Host Club King)_

"Ahaha! So, he had this nightmare that made him bolt right up out of bed!"

"Hikaru! That's personal! Don't tell them that story!"

"He panicked, and cried to me and-"

By now, the twin obviously not Hikaru was almost in tears. His brother on the other hand, only giggled in delight and proceeded on with his story; a hit among those surrounding the antique wooden table they sat dormant around.

"Hikaru! Why are you so mean to me, telling everyone that story.. I asked you not too..."

"I didn't mean to upset you. I'm so sorry, Kaoru.. It's just you were so cute that time. I had to tell them."

Everything seemed to stand still then as the twins pulled together in an embrace most would have only understood seeing between lovers. An awkward feel suddenly blanketed the room, but only for that one single second; an uproar of whimpering followed, girls squealing in awe. Haruhi only wrinkled her nose. "Those two.. What has the world come to?"

_-Hikaru & Kaoru Hitachiin: High School 1__st__ Years (Host Club Little Devils)_

"Be strong. Be dignified. Be beautiful. That's our motto; to utilize each of our characteristics to answer the desires of our guests. By the way, Tamaki is our best. He's called the king because his request rate is seventy percent." Kyoya stated from suddenly close by, forcing her skin to crawl with fear. Haruhi hadn't noticed his presence and as if that wasn't enough to scare the living daylight's out of her.. did he just say _that guy_ is the best?

"Geh, yuck!" She protested in disbelief, her hands struggling to grip the paper bag and the request data chart (_stating seven out of every ten people request Tamaki_) in shock horror until a long and high pitched yawn broke her train of thought; followed by round two of the femininely squeals of excitement.

"Sorry, we're running late. ~"

"Hello, Honey! – Hey Mori!" "We've been waiting here for you guys!" "Hi!" Three girls elegantly fought to speak over one another, each hoping to earn the attention of the newcomer's.

"I'm sorry. I was waiting for Takashi to finish his kendo meeting and I fell asleep.. I'm still not completely awake." The littlest blonde spoke, rubbing his large, brown, sleep filled eyes as he crawled down an unrealistically tall, black haired male and skipped across the room.

"Is that boy really an eleventh grade student? And that scary faced guy hasn't spoken a single word yet..." Rambling on about her two cent's, Haruhi hardly noticed that Kyoya still stood close by, listening to every word. Of course, with a response to her every question.

"Honey-senpai may seem young and childish, but he's a prodigy and the eldest. – Mori-senpai's allure is his strong and silent disposition."

_-Haninozuka Mitsukuni ("Honey" for short): High School 3__rd__ Year  
>-Takashi Morinosuka ("Mori" for short): High School 3<em>_rd__ Year_

"HAAA~RU-CHAN! Hey, Haru-chan! Do you want to go eat some cake together?" Honey said in midair, having leaped off the arm of a long red couch toward the said Haruhi, who only awaited her impending doom with a sigh. Upon the collision she was forced back into a spin, dropping most of the grocery bag's contents after turning around three times and eventually slowing to a dizzy halt.

"Well.. I don't really like sweets."

"Then how would you like to hold my bunny Usa-chan?" The baby faced boy asked, pulling a plush, and pastel pink rabbit out of seemingly thin air.

"I'm not a big fan of bunnies either..."

"Are you saying you don't like my Usa-chan?"

The question caught her off guard. Could she really tell this adorable little boy she didn't like his toy? A mental debate flailed behind her skull for a moment as she stared wide eyed at the cotton creature. "I guess he is kind of cute, isn't he? Please let me play with it..?"

A smile crept over the previous pouty lip that consumed Honey-senpai's face. "Right! Take good care of him, okay?" He half-shouted, carefully passing over his dear Usa-chan before darting off in the other direction.

"Huh." She murmured, gluing her thick lashed hues onto the stuffed animal at hand and then back up to examine the room once more; this time, purposely stopping on the ever observative Kyoya. "I don't understand."

"In order to pay off your eight million yen debt with us, you'll be taking care of things like this. Chores. You'll act as the Oran Host Club's dog. – I'm sorry. I meant errand boy.. until you graduate."

There it was again, that disgusting and overwhelming feeling of guilt mixed with terror. Until graduation? Four whole years? Haruhi gripped the nearest wall for support, feeling ill from the inside out.

"You can try to run away if you want. But just so you know, I have an excellent family employed private police staff of one hundred officers." Kyoya continued, ignoring the fact that she was sickened with fear. "You don't have a passport, do you?" He asked with a polite yet sinister grin, the question meaning in his own little way he'll force her out of the country if needed.

_-Kyoya Otori: High School 2__nd__ Year (Host Club Vice-President)_

"You're going to have to work hard to pay off that eight million yen debt, my little nerd. ~" Tamaki whispered against her ear, carefully blowing a kiss toward her cheek as if he'd been standing there the whole time.

"**Please**, don't do that again." She begged breathlessly, gripping the pink Usa-chan for dear life through her gasps of sheer surprise.

"What? That was one of my best techniques! You need a complete makeover. Or else, no girl is ever going to look twice at you." Tamaki said sternly, more or less to cover his defeat.

"Yeah? Well, I'm not trying to get girls to look at me. Besides, it doesn't really matter, does it?"

The 'King' took a step back, alarmed by her lackluster attitude. "Are you kidding me? That's the most important thing! You have to learn to be a gentleman and please the ladies. ~ Like _me_." He said with half lidded eyes, extending a freshly cut long stem rose.

"I just don't think it's all that important. Guy, girl, labels, or appearance... Why should I care? I don't understand why this club even exists. It's what's on the inside that counts, right?" A tilt of her head signified that the question was rhetorical; However, Tamaki either disregarded this fact or didn't catch on.

"It's a barbarous reality, isn't it? It's not often God creates humans with perfect bodies and contents. I don't mean to brag about it! I.. I understand how you feel since everyone is not as blessed as I am but, you must consol yourself otherwise! Or else, how would you go on living?"

"Agh.. Is he serious?"

"Think about it this way: Why place works of art in museums? To show off their beauty! And to show off beautiful things is the duty of those who were born beautiful!"

'There's a word to describe people like him. Troublesome? No. What is it?' Haruhi wondered while ignoring his presentation, cupping her chin in her feminine digits.

"Beauty should be shared with the world. And since I am beautiful, I founded this club for those who are starved for beauty, for those who are working day and night pursuing beauty!"

'Oh, man. I wish I could remember that word. Uhh.. maybe, a pain in the neck? No. No, that's not it.'

"Here, let me share my gentlemanly expertise with you: When setting down a glass, extend your pinky finger as a cushion! That way, there won't be any noise when the glass meets the table. It's much more refined and I love the way I can see my reflection, too."

'How do I say this... something more like annoying, but better suited. It fit's him perfectly.'

"And above all else, you must remember how affective a glance to the side can be."

"I got it! _Obnoxious_."

With that, he shriveled up and theoretically died, tucking himself away in the nearest corner to pout. His professional advice had been put to shame with a simple word. And oh, how guilty Haruhi felt for it.

"Uh, I'm sorry.. Tamaki-senpi." Haruhi whimpered, being slung into a double hug of sorts by the orange haired Hitachiin twins.

"Bahahah! You really _do_ have a lot of nerve!" They chimed with limitless amusement shown through their matching mile-wide grins.

She frowned in response. The view of Tamaki's still frame curled into the fetal position along with being sandwiched between her classmates enough to force a white lie. "I'm really sorry. But, your lesson did strike a small cord with me.. !"

Instantly, the blonde rose as if from the literal dead; his smile gleaming like she'd never seen it before. "Really. . . it did? Let me teach you more, my friend! ~" He reached out his palm to her, ignoring the fact that everyone stared in disbelief at his dramatic mood swing. And for that moment, she could have sworn rose petals swirled around him in an unnatural breeze, the sound effect of offbeat sparkling kicking in, in equal fiction.

"Well. . . he got over that quick." She whispered in disbelief between the three of them.

"Boss?" Hikaru questioned.

"Call me **King**!" An under layer of anger in the said self proclaimed king's voice replied while his hand remained held open as if he'd genuinely expected someone to take a hold of it.

"You can teach him all the basics of hosting." Hikaru started up again. – "But he's not going to get very far with the ladies if he doesn't look the part, you know." Kaoru finished. "He's not exactly host club material but maybe if we took off his glasses, it'll help?"

Being unsure of which twin had in fact moved from her left, Haruhi flinched. A gasp escaping her as her glasses were removed without warning or gentle nature. She hesitated, but put her hands out straight in front of her; almost as if to re-envision the room that'd just gone blurry through the sense of touch.

"I need those! I used to have contact lenses, but I lost them on the morning of the first day of school."

With wide eyes, the unnamed twin before her froze. Along with everyone else in the room that had been silently watching from the sidelines. And like a train, chug-a chug-a, chug-a chug-a; Tamaki stomped at high speeds across the room.

From there, everything happened so fast.

"Kaoru, Hikaru!" A snap of the fingers sounded through the room.

"We're on it!" The twins saluted, gripping Haruhi by the wrists.

"Kyoya, call my hair stylist!" The sound of dialing numbers was present to her ears.

"Mori-senpi, take him to the eye doctor!" She imagined he must have either already left or he only nodded.

"What can I help with, Tama-chan!"Honey asked enthusiastically, his adorable presence always ready to help.

"Honey-senpia.. you go eat some cake."

"It's just us, Usa-chan. Everyone else said they were too busy.."

The last thing Haruhi could _clearly_ remember was the uneven inhale she was forced to take as she was lifted out of the room and into several various vehicles and locations at Tamaki's demand.

First, she found herself in the back seat of a car. That part she was only able to guess by the feel of the lush leather seats. And the seat belt. As for who's car it might have been? She had no clue.

Then, she was off to get her hair cut and styled.

Next, to a doctor's office; where she was given an eye examination and new contacts.

And lastly, back to school. Tucked away into some sort changing room on the first floor she figured the school probably didn't use appropriately.

"Here, change into this uniform." The two - now that she could see again - identical boy's commanded.

"What? ..B-But why?" The thought of undressing in front of them was horrifying.

"Don't ask questions! Change! Change! Change!" They began chanting with each step forward.

"No, wait!"

"Change! Change!"

"**FINE!** I'll change! But you two have to get out! I can do it myself!" She roared, ripping the outfit from their grasp while shoving them away and out through the beige curtains.

"Mm.." Grumbled Honey as he stepped into the room alongside the other host club members. His stomach cupped in his hands, clearly full from eating a load of cake as told.

"Uh, Senpi?" From behind the curtain Haruhi bit her lip, staring at herself in the mirror with discomfort. Not because it was a boy's uniform, no. But, because the tag clearly stated it was 300,000 yen.

"Aren't you done changing yet?" Impatiently, Tamaki tapped his foot.

While curling her fingers around the edge of the curtain, she took a deep breath; tugging the fabric at hand to the side sheepishly so they all could see. "You're sure it's really okay for me to keep this uniform?"

"Oh, how.. cute! You're as pretty as a girl!" The Host Club's leader shouted with tear filled eyes.

"Haru-chan, you look so cute!" Honey-senpi joined in, forcing his stuffed rabbit Usa to nod in agreement.

"If we would have known that's how you really look – we would have helped you out sooner!" Her look-a-like classmates spoke one after the other.

"Who knows? Maybe he'll draw in a customer or two." Suggested Kyoya.

"You know, that's just what I was thinking!" Tamaki added on, though it was highly doubtful that was what he'd actually been thinking a moment before. "Our errand boy is moving up the ranks!" He pointed at Haruhi.

As if all the eyes in the room had shifted, though they never actually left her in the first place; she swallowed a lump of saliva, feeling suddenly nervous.

"Starting today, you're an official member of the host club. I will thoroughly train you to be a first rate host. If you can get one hundred customers to request your service, we will completely forget about your eight million yen debt."

"A.. **host**?"

_Harui is also now open for business._


End file.
